We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
