Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
