I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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