Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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