Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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