Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
