Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
