apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't deserve a penis
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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