If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
