we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
3pm strippers are depressing
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
