do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
