it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
