So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
