Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
