I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
