im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
