Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
