I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
