My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
