Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am available for nakedness
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
