Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
