In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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