We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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