Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
