Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
