i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
