Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
