11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize