You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
