I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
