Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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