I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
