I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
