So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
