I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize