Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
