We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
