he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
