i would punch a child for taco bell
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
