Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
