It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
