you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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