i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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