I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
