I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize