I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
