i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
