WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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