somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
