I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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