Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
