Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
