yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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