Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
