Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
