our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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