just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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