is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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