you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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