Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
