So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
