The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize