Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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