Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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