Do you still have your period?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
