Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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