my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
