In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
