I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
