I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
