I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is Oprah even human
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
