Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
