plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
