I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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