When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
