you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
