I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize