So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
