oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
