So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
