worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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