i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
