Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
