Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
