Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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