In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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