Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
