we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
