I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
