there's paper in my vomit.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
