I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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