Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
