i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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