if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
