she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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