I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
