I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
