Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
