i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
