Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
