he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
