Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
sex in a hospital.. check
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
