I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
