every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
