I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
